Sunday, November 29, 2009

Awkward? Knit.

"Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are
willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try
something new."
-- Brian Tracy

I love this quote, but he makes it sound like one makes a conscious choice to move out of their comfort zones. Am I really making a choice to do this? It seems more like an inherent trait of mine, to just cause trouble for myself. Not trouble... because that is a negative word. awkwardness. (using Mr. Tracy's word).

I have this constant, intense craving for a rut. a routine. predictability. But then when I fall into a rut, or a routine, I fight like hell to get out of it, to mix things up. I hate having to do the same thing over and over. contradiction? snort.

This is what I like about knitting, how it is repetitive, and comforting and rhythmic, but at the same time things are always changing. You have to pay attention to your pattern and project. You cannot just follow a knitting pattern without questioning or modifying or reinventing some part of it. No two people knit the same or are shaped the same, so a pattern or project needs to be approached like it is a recipe.

I knit when I am tired or weary or frightened (to comfort and heal) or happy or excited or squirrely (to calm myself down).

The past few weeks I have held this feeling of...? I want to call it impending doom, but it is not a negative, scary thing, but rather a feeling that something big is coming.
and I don't know what it is . and my control-issue psyche does NOT like not knowing.

So I walk around with this feeling of oh shit. Now what?
yo-yo-ing between oh shit and anticipation and excitement.

I exhaust myself.
I want to plan what this thing is or will be. I want to tackle it with my lists and agendas. I want to do it now. I do not to wait or marinate or see what life is going to bring.

So I have been knitting a lot. A LOT. It seems to tune out those voices that say... hang on... it's coming! Are you ready?

Ready? how can I be ready? sigh.

So the Journey is to just BE and to listen and to knit and try to be ready.
So when it all comes I know it and can soak it up and have fun.


I am crazy? Does anyone else do this?

Rainbow over Salmon Creek (taken by Eve).

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